Personnel(ly) Speaking

A Monthly Newsletter from

Personnel Management Systems, Inc.

May 2009

Anger is a Reality

Have you noticed?  We have.  Some people are just plain angry.  We get the calls from managers, from employees, from folks who are just fed up, frustrated, anxious, impatient, crabby, teed off and frankly mad!  Sometimes the anger is understandable - they’ve lost a job, had their benefits cut, etc.  Other times, the anger seems misplaced or out of sync with the event.  Either way, as HR people we deal with it and do our best to be compassionate, empathetic, and good listeners.  But anger is a difficult emotion to understand.  We’ve all dealt with people who are so angry it doesn’t matter what we say or do.

We decided to ask our friends at CoHear, a provider of Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) for some expert advice....

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Anger is a very misunderstood emotion.

According to the U.S. Department of Labor, Bureau of Labor Statistics, anger, or our lack of understanding of how to deal with anger, resulted in nearly 5% of the 7.1 million private industry businesses in the United States having an incident of workplace violence within the prior 12 months (http://www.bls.gov/iif/home.htm). When mismanaged, anger can translate into violence. As managers we need to know how to respond to anger in the workplace – both our own and that of our employees and co-workers. Understanding anger will help us promote healthy personal and professional interactions.

Although anger is a completely normal emotion, many of us are taught that anxiety and depression are more acceptable emotional states. This is due, in part, to the lack of healthy examples of anger in our culture.

How is anger experienced?

Anger can result from both external and internal events. Whether directed at a specific person (co-worker, partner, boss), an event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight, a job loss), or brooding about personal problems/experiences, anger can quickly consume us. When we are under the influence of anger, it is difficult to be thoughtful, receptive, and collaborative. These deficits impact our performance and productivity in life and in the workplace. Use these suggestions to help yourself and those who work around you and with you.

What are some healthy responses to anger?

Calming is key: Anger is managed more easily when your mind and body are grounded.

• Focus on your breathing. Count to 10 with each deep breath ("1" inhale; "2" exhale) while being aware of your diaphragm. Repeat to 10 as many times as needed.
• Imagine a calm relaxing place. Visualize an experience that melts the tensions and stressors away.
• Write in a journal. The process of externalizing your internal experience is helpful. Make sure your entries focus on you, not the "reason" for your anger (see I-statements below).

Assertive versus aggressive: Identify ways to express your anger in an assertive manner. Be clear about what your needs are and how you can get those needs met, all in a manner that is respectful of yourself and others.

• Use I-statements. "I am upset about the merger," instead of "Why did you let this happen?" or "You never think about the rest of us when you make a decision." Take ownership for your emotional experience instead of putting it on someone else.
• Get into their shoes. There is always more than one way to see/experience things.
• Work towards mutual respect – it diffuses anger and promotes teamwork.
• Manage the problem together. Anger can intensify when we choose to isolate ourselves.

Your health is important: Unexpressed anger can lead to a variety of health problems including hypertension, chronic irritability, and depression.

• Exercise at least three times a week. Whether you walk, swim, or do yoga, the health benefits are significant. Even walking at lunchtime can be beneficial.
• Share your feelings with trusted others. Anger is less likely to compromise our health if we process it with others.  

What if anger wins?

Again, anger is normal and misunderstood. So, if you discover your anger impacting your work, relationships, and/or health, please utilize your EAP benefit. A trained mental health professional can work with you to respond to your anger more effectively.

Republication permission: These suggestions were provided by CoHear, an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) provider, located in Bellevue, Washington. www.cohear.org

Personnel(ly) Speaking is a monthly comment on HR issues of importance.  It is intended to provide general information and must not be construed as legal advice.  Reproductions are allowed as long as credit for this information is given to PMSI.  We welcome your comments, questions, and concerns.  © PERSONNEL MANAGEMENT SYSTEMS, INC., Corporate Office (425) 576-1900, Colorado Office (720) 497-0200, www.hrpmsi.com.